Over the years my self-work has been far more about stripping away the noise and layers of expectation, than boosting my confidence, growing my knowledge base or doing more work. For many people, self-work requires a lot of building up: knowledge, courage or confidence, so it was difficult to follow the cookie-cutter strategies laid out in the many books I read.
The biggest Ah-Ha moment came in my coach training. As I watched the people around me swell, grow and inhabit the greatest version of themselves, I felt the life force was slowly draining out of me.
You see, I am an expert mask wearer… and I know that I am not alone!
You see, I am an expert mask wearer… and I know that I am not alone! I wear the masks of:
Societal expectations
Family expectation
Doing the right thing
Being the best
Achieving (often for achievement’s sake)
Fitting in
The problem is, was, and always has been, that living with the masks had suppressed who I am - buried me under the weight of obligation, expectation, and being everything, to everyone, all the time! I was exhausted!
Sitting in my first coach training, I was able to systematically take off the masks - but no one warned me of the hollow, flattened version of myself that was languishing underneath the weight of the masks. And while they helped me shed the masks, no one told me how to fill myself back up.
Suffice to say it’s been a long hard learning curve and one that is the epitome of one step forward and two steps back… with the occasional courageous leap of action into who I truly am. With every mask that comes off, I have to rebuild, only to be pulled back by another mask… it’s exhausting. And like all worthwhile endeavours, deeply rewarding.
it’s exhausting. And like all worthwhile endeavours, deeply rewarding.
So, let’s fast forward to 2021, and my most recent collapse under the weight of the masks and reconnection with my essence. I can honestly say I am:
Coming to the bottom of the pile of masks - soon the only work will be work on the real me! (at least that is the - possibly naive - hope!)
I am getting so much better at trusting in my best way of recovering.
After years of doing everything I can to be everything to everyone else (even writing that is heavy and exhausting) I have come to understand that being me is something that comes organically, intuitively, and with momentum. Reclaiming all aspects of who I am is how I fill myself up, and it is a delicate balance of doing the work that matters to me, and making space for myself to be me.
Reclaiming myself is a delicate balance of doing the work that matters to me, and making space for myself to be me
That looks like rest, play, creativity, and movement. And with this strategic march towards my vision, I create momentum - sound familiar? This is the foundation of non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are brilliant in doing this. Daily themes, rather than specific daily habits allow me to honour myself now and in who I am becoming. You can learn more about them here.
Note: I do not mention consistency here. I know it is vitally important, but the strategist in me finds consistency and discipline extremely restrictive, and so over time I have cultivated ways to create momentum without feeling pressured or obligated to do so!
So - my journey of reclaiming myself has been rocky! Fraught with doubt, self-judgment and a whole lot of *should*s… and this is the work!
Fraught with doubt, self-judgment and a whole lot of *should*s… and this is the work!
I know that this, and last week’s blog resonates with many of you - and I dearly wish that there was a one size fits all approach to reclaiming yourself - there is not. I will leave you with a question to ponder - a question that helps me, and my clients reflect on where we are and what we need - on our own terms:
As you start your reclamation journey, what is the one thing you are prepared to honour? And what are you prepared to walk away from?
I’d love to hear what shows up!
To learn more about reclaiming yourself and finding your path, send me a message and book a curiosity call.