By definition, ‘choice’ is an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.
Choice happens in an instant, and yet we labour over getting to that instant for days, weeks, sometimes even years.
You see, choice is not:
thinking about the options that are open to you
weighing up the pros & cons
considering the knock-on effects
strategising how to manage fall out
envisioning what becomes possible if you make a choice
Yes! All of these are valuable considerations, but ultimately, your responsibility is to take ownership of your choices, not to shy away from them, give them up or give them away, no matter how tough they may seem.
When it comes to choice, there is one certainty – a choice will be made, but if you get stuck in the loop of consideration, you move into a space of belabouring or giving up your choice and not actually making it!
There are a number of reasons why people get stuck or give up choice:
1. Fear
This is the most common cause of belabouring a decision. Fear of the unknown, the outcome or not making the ‘right’ choice can paralyse you. Fear is a primal emotion and our response to it is visceral. When fear sets in chemical and emotion barriers reinforce indecision and move us away from choice. Remember conviction around choice is also visceral. Start small and look for what feels good or right to you. Just as your body and stories are holding you in fear and inaction, look to your body for cues on what does feel good and right.
2. Disconnection from self, vision or dreams
When you lose sight of what you really want or what you are aiming for – when you are disconnected from your desires and drive, choices can seem strangely removed from you. This can also extend deeper than what and settle into who you are. When you are disconnected from who you are, and how you see yourself in the world, what truly matters to you can seem out of reach. Here, start by exploring who you are and what you want – give yourself something or someone to aim for in your choices.
3. Underwhelm
Much like disconnection from self, a sense of underwhelm can leave you unaware of choices – rather like wearing dirty glasses – you don’t notice the small things. You miss the choices that would have been obvious before you lost your fizz. You see, when underwhelm takes hold, life seems downgraded – moved into greyscale. The technicolour glory of all that life has to offer is gone and while working hard, you are slipping - the environment that once inspired you has lost its magic and as such your willingness to interact fades – you give up choice.
4. Overwhelm
In some ways, this is the easiest choice challenge to overcome! Although it can feel like the hardest. Overwhelm is noisy and distracting. Life pulls in every direction and leaves you feeling like you are unable to stop for long enough to figure out where you are, let alone where you want to be! The simplest choice is usually the hardest one to make. The choice to slow down, or even stop! Take stock and move on from there. And yes! This is a choice that is available to you – as tough and unrealistic as it may seem.
5. Ignorance
And then, of course, plain old ignorance. Lack of awareness that choice is even yours, to begin with. All too often people do not realise that they have a choice, instead thinking that ‘this is the way it is’ or ‘I can’t change or control that’. This is arguably the most dangerous place to be as it requires not only learning that choice is yours but also starting to exercise choice-making muscles. Remember – something as simple as choosing to have an opinion is a choice and a good place to start.
There are many choices to be made, but first identifying your relationship to choice will provide you with the backdrop to get curious. You may find that you react universally to choice, or differently in different areas of your life: for example, decisive at work, but belabouring in your personal life, or visa versa.
Getting clear on your relationship to choice is the first step in taking back control and moving into aligned or courageous action.
Here are a few questions to help you get curious:
1. Where do you take ownership of and where do you give away your choices?
2. What is your attitude towards choice? Is it exciting or scary, filled with limitations or possibilities?
3. What do your choices tell you about yourself & what is important to you?
When it comes to choice, there is one certainty - choices either take you toward or away from what you want - there is no standing still. Their impact is exponential - if you are not moving forward you are backsliding. You see, lack of choice will only allow you to coast for so long!
Remember, when you do not take ownership of your choices, you give up any chance of controlling the outcome.
